Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
we should paint friendship bongs
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
