I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
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