Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
My penis needs a shock collar
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Randomize
