Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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