I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
