I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Randomize
