No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Need sex. Gaining weight.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
