I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Randomize
