My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Boobs are out for the taking
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Randomize