I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
I just found a bag of teeth...
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Randomize
