Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
