i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
