That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
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