I can't breathe out the right side of my face
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
