you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
