She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
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