I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
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