Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
everyone is single if you try hard enough
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
