Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
Randomize
