i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
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