If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
