i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
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