I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize