So gin and wine won't be happening again
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
