I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
