It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
