yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
