Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
Randomize
