I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
