I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Randomize