Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
you will always have a special place in my vag
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
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