Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Randomize
