he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Randomize
