Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
