you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
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