You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
