There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Randomize
