I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
