Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
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