kristin has been a bad kristin
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
