Joe is yelling at the trees again.
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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