We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
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