i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
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