Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize
