btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
