I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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