Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
