pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Randomize
