i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
