What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Randomize
