$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Randomize
