i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
