At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Randomize
