so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
