she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Floor bacon is actually really good
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize