I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Randomize
