she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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