i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Randomize
