nut hugger
just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
i dont even know how to be here
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
