You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
