My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
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