Someone shattered a urinal.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
