i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
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