Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Randomize
